Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
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