Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
