Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Randomize
