all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
