I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
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