Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Randomize
