How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize