I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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