I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Randomize
