I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
