I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I could fuck to npr.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
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