Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize