Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
