he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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