Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Your penis caused this!
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
