I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
