in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
