My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
