To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
