It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Randomize
