my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
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