Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
FUCK WHALES
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
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