drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
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When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
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If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
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