the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I didn't notice because vodka
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
