Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I would ride that face into the sunset
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
