i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize