people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
