Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
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