One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
