This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
