dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
this will be a night to untag.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
