I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Randomize
