You just made me feel so damn special
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Randomize
