Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Your mouth is God's brothel.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
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