In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Randomize
