please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
