This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Randomize
