There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
