I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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