well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
