ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
