Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Randomize
