You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
