And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
