I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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