If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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