I haven't been this sober since birth.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Randomize
