drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
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