I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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