Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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