If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
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