There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
