if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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