went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Life is so much better after having sex.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
