just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
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