They should really pass out barf bags in church
i wish my penis had a tongue
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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