from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
