Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
