I'm going to jail i love you
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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