i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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