I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
We left an ass print on the piano.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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