they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
