I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Randomize
