I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
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