Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
