Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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