Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
