great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Randomize
