yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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