we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
There's always time for handjobs
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Drunk is not a location!
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
