Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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